


Till Death Do Us Part

by linvro21



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Attempted Murder, Crack, Dark Comedy, Dog Walker, Explicit Language, Golf, Happy Ending, M/M, Millionaire, Opulence, Pizza, Romance, Speedos, Top Jared, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:00:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linvro21/pseuds/linvro21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen get accidentally married. So it's till death do them part. Literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Till Death Do Us Part

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes** : Written for [](http://herminekurotowa.livejournal.com/profile)[**herminekurotowa**](http://herminekurotowa.livejournal.com/) 's [prompt](http://j2-prompts.livejournal.com/4545.html?thread=10689#t10689) on [](http://j2-prompts.livejournal.com/profile)[**j2_prompts**](http://j2-prompts.livejournal.com/) comment fic meme. Thanks to [](http://tmn1966.livejournal.com/profile)[**tmn1966**](http://tmn1966.livejournal.com/) and [](http://ashtraythief.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://ashtraythief.livejournal.com/)**ashtraythief** for looking this over, all remaining mistakes are my own.

“Oh yeah. Just like that,” Jared moans as he wakes up to Jensen sensually licking his ear.

When he opens his eyes, it's not Jensen's green, but Sadie's brown eyes he's welcomed by.

So, the wild night with Jensen was all a dream.

That's a relief.

 

“Alright girl, I know it's Jensen's day off. I'll get up to walk you. I'm awake now anyway.”

Jared sits up and promptly has to lay down again as nausea reaches his throat and he's hit by the headache of the century. Some of his parties are just too much fun.

“Oh, Sadie. Gimme five minutes. Go girl. Go get poor daddy a glass of water and some aspirin,” Jared pleads with the dog.

She just stands there next to his bed and cocks her head. Then she quickly turns around and runs out of his suite and into the hallway.

Several moments later, he hears her barking – ouch, his poor head – coming closer. He also hears a male voice reverberating in the large marble hallway.

Confusion sets in as Jared tries to figure out what day it is. It really is Sunday; the house staff's day off. The house should be empty except for him and the dogs.

And yet, it's Jensen walking into his bedroom, holding a glass of water as he tries not to trip over Harley and Sadie enthusiastically weaving through his legs.

“Here's some goodness for my favourite employer,” Jensen says in a way too upbeat and loud voice for Jared's aching head. “Or should I say _ex-_ employer?”

“What? What do you mean ex-employer? Is this your way of saying you quit? Are you leaving me and the dogs?”

Jensen foolishly – okay, it looks kind of cute on him – grins at Jared and he actually sits down on the white, silk bed sheet.

“No, not really. I thought we agreed to the complete opposite last night,” Jensen says with an even brighter smile as he scoots over the enormous bed, closer to Jared.

“Ehm, just to refresh my memory – I seem to have been drinking a little too much Glenfiddich last night – what did we exactly agree upon?”

Jensen has finally reached Jared's side, hands him the water and the pills, and lays his head down on Jared's bare – Oh my god, he's naked – chest.

“Aw baby, you're such a funny guy. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you and them,” Jensen nods to the dogs who are still waiting patiently at the foot of the bed.

Jared detaches himself from Jensen's hold and gingerly sits up against the white, velvet headboard.

“What did you just call me?”

“I'm sorry, is darling better? Or honey?”

“I always liked Mr. Padalecki just fine,” Jared says grumpily as he keeps trying to remember what the fuck happened last night to make his dog walker call him pet names.

“I knew you secretly loved me. I just didn't expect you'd act upon it,” Jensen sighs. He's still looking ridiculously happy and content, laying there barefoot wearing...

Wait. What? Jensen's wearing _his_ Armani pajama's!

“Loved you” is the only part Jared registers and subconsciously repeats.

“I know sweetie. I love you too. I've loved you since the first day we met.”

 

Chances are increasing that some fondling with Jensen actually did take place last night. Too bad he can't remember any of the probably awesome nakedness.

And too bad Jensen seems to think this means long term commitment.

Jared doesn't do that. No commitment. Not on any term.

Too much risk of a slip-up.

Too much risk of marriage.

A few centuries ago, married couples could take a break, separate, get divorced. Nowadays fucking someone is equal to saying 'I do' and 'till death do us part'.

Literally.

 

He needs to get away from Jensen, fast. He gets up, wrapping the sheet around him, and walks to his giant walk-in wardrobe.

He looks back to see Jensen sprawled across his huge bed. It's a beautiful sight. But still. No.

 

As he's picking out his favourite designer leisure suit, a warm body presses up against his back and two hands sneak around to his chest.

“I'm so happy,” Jensen whispers in his ear.

Oh yeah, that feels goo- No no! Quickly, think of a diversion.

“What- ? What exactly gives you the right the be so happy, while my head feels like it's going to explode?”

“I never thought this would happen to me. That I would be this lucky. This fortunate.”

Oh. No.

Fuck. Wait.

Jared slowly turns around in Jensen's embrace.

“What do you mean to say exactly?”

“I mean to say that I'm very happy and honoured that you chose me to be your husband.”

At that, Jared drops to the floor.

 

 

“Oh yeah. Just like that,” Jared moans as he comes to to Jensen sensually nibbling at his big toe.

When he opens his eyes, he sees it's not Jensen doing the licking, but Harley trying for his attention.

And he's lying on the floor.

And he's married.

Shit.

 

“Are you awake honey? Jared? You scared me.”

Jared abruptly sits up and immediately pukes his insides out.

Jensen doesn't seem phased by it. He's softly caressing Jared's hair.

It's kinda nice. Would've been even nicer if he wasn't married to the man! His employee. His dog walker.

Hmm. Wait a minute. Did they actually have sex? Is he really married?

 

 

“You're not suggesting we take the marriage-test?” Jensen asks more than a little pissed off.

“No, of course I'm not suggesting that. I'm telling you. I want proof before you move in here with me. How else will I know for sure this is for real?”

“How else will you- ? Oh, you big jerk! Because I told you, that's how! I've been your dog walker for three years! Plus I'd like to think I'm a trustworthy person.”

Jensen has a point. He has been trustworthy, punctual, funny, cute.

And just a dog walker, possibly a money grabber and a con-artist.

 

 

When they get back from the marriage-office, Jensen's still fuming.

The – frankly humiliating – test confirmed Jared's biggest nightmare: They actually are married.

For life.

For ever and ever.

Exclusively to each other.

Even when they can't stand each other anymore, and Jensen gets on his nerves, goes all saggy and wrinkly, is beneath him entirely. Even then.

Plus he's just one man, not several men, or women, or both.

He'll just be having sex with this one guy for the rest of his life. Damn MMMA (Monthly Marriage Monitoring Agency).

Nothing Jared can do about it.

Except...

 

 

“Jensen honey? Harley's favourite Frisbee got stuck in the big oak tree. Will you please get it down for him? I would do it myself but I'm afraid of heights. I'll hold the ladder for you.”

“OK.”

Jensen climbs up the extra long ladder, to get at the Frisbee.

“WHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaah.”

Shit, he grabbed on to a branch.

“Don't worry Jared. I'm OK.”

Jensen jumps down the last few feet right into Jared's arms.

“You look all shaken up. Let me give you a nice big hug,” Jensen says.

 

 

“Jensen sweetie? Do you want to come golfing with me this morning? My buddy just canceled.”

“OK.”

They play and kid all morning until they come to a secluded green, surrounded by woodland.

Jared gets out his nine iron when Jensen's not looking, aims to the back of Jensen's head and swings...

“Hi Jared. Hi Jensen. Fancy meeting you here,” Misha says.

… and he keeps on swinging the club right into the bushes.

When Jensen turns around, he smiles lovingly at him. And Jared plasters on his whitest smile, with extra dimples.

 

“Jared, do you wanna come swimming with me in the lake?”

“OK.”

They change into their swimming gear – doesn't Jensen look stunning in his green speedos – and call out for the dogs.

Jensen insists they hold hands as they walk over to far end of the grounds.

“So, are you gonna dive in first?” Jared asks.

“Are you sure it's deep enough to dive here?”

With the worst possible timing in the world, Harley and Sadie beat Jensen to the lake and jump in. It is all too clear the lake is very shallow at this end.

“Last one in is a doo-doo head,” Jensen yells as he runs onto the pier to jump in the deeper water.

The view of his ass makes up a bit for another lost opportunity.

And as it turns out, it's actually not a bad way to spend the afternoon.

 

 

“Jensen sweetheart? I'd like to take some pictures of you to put in my office.”

“OK.”

Jared carefully arranges Jensen to stand on the tiger-rug in the middle of the giant hallway.

“Now smile. Yes. That's great. One more. Now blow me a kiss. Good. Hands behind your head. Nice.”

Jared takes another look at his watch. It was supposed to have happened by now.

“Now take of your shirt. Yes. Flex your muscles. Good.”

Jared glances over the ceiling. What's taking the damn thing so long?

In the meantime, he might as well take some more pictures to remember Jensen by.

Come to think of it, he never saw Jensen naked. Well, he probably did. But he doesn't remember.

“OK. Now get naked. Lay down on the rug. Yeah, that's nice.”

Jensen gets up on his hands and knees and crawls towards Jared.

“Yeah, that's sexy. Come over here. Oh wait. Stop. No.”

The huge diamond chandelier comes crashing down just after Jensen leaves the rug.

Jensen looks over his shoulder, eyes wide in terror. “I can't believe it. I almost got crushed.”

He starts trembling and Jared can't help but crouch down and hold him tight.

It feels nice to have Jensen this close. Jared tucks him in even closer.

He kisses the top of Jensen's head. Jensen turns his face and tries to kiss him on the lips. Jared quickly turns his head. But just the look of that pouted mouth, makes him feel all tingly inside. No, horny. Definitely horny.

Jared lifts naked Jensen up against him and Jensen clings his arms and legs around Jared's body. He walks them to the nearest flat surface – his grandma Mimi's antique sideboard – and slams Jensen down on it.

Jensen hurries to open Jared's fly and frees his erect dick. Jensen spits in his hands and starts slicking it up.

“Ah, yeah, like that,” Jared moans.

That feels good. He looks at Jensen's concentrated face as he lines up Jared's dick.

“Do it,” Jensen almost sighs.

Jared pushes in, gently at first. It feels really good. Jensen looks really good too. His eyes are almost closed, and he breathes heavily through his mouth as he grips Jared's biceps tight. Jared can really see his freckles from up close.

Then Jared remembers how ready he is to fuck Jensen silly and he starts slamming into Jensen in earnest.

The contents of the sideboard rattles beneath them as it rocks against the wall.

“This. Is. Fucking. Great,” Jared manages to say between thrusts.

“I. Love. You,” is Jensen's reply.

 

Afterwards, Jared is leaning in to Jensen to steady himself. He just knows this is not going to work out between them. It's just not.

These feelings Jensen has for him, they won't last a lifetime.

Not to mention all the stuff Jared will miss out on, because he's married.

No. Killing Jensen is the right way to go.

Besides, who will miss Jensen anyway? He's poor, has got no family.

A dog walker is easily replaced.

 

 

“Jay? I'm hungry.”

“Cook left me dinner in the fridge, I could heat something up for us?”

“OK, but could you call her to make sure there are no nuts in the meal? I'm extremely allergic to all kinds of nuts.”

“That's not what I recall,” Jared says waggling his eyebrows.

He gets punched in the arm for that.

 

They sit down on opposite sides of the long dinner table, both with a plate of delicious smelling lasagna.

Jared watches Jensen as he lifts the crystal glass of wine to his lips and takes a sip. Then Jensen picks up the silver knife and fork, cuts off a piece of food and puts it in his beautiful mouth.

“Oh wow, this is really goo-” Jensen says.

He grabs his throat and gestures to his mouth.

“Argh, gggggh.”

Then Jensen oddly seems to calm down. He stands up and he reaches into his pocket, gets out a pen that he jams in his thigh, and he – just as calmly – sits down again.

“I guess cook forgot to tell you about the pine seeds,” Jensen says as he sits down. “We'll just have to order in some pizza.”

Jared realizes he has been holding his breath the whole time.

This whole killing business is a lot harder than it seems. He might need professional help, because this marriage sure as hell isn't going to last longer than one day. He'll make bloody sure.

 

 

By the time the pizza's arrive, it's already dark. They end up eating out on the deck, with a stunning view of Jared's zoo.

Jared is lounging on one of the large chairs with Jensen sitting between his legs, Jensen's back warm against his stomach.

“Jared?”

“Hmmmm,” Jared answers with his mouth full of pizza.

“I had a really great day with you,” Jensen says.

“Me too.”

Did he really? He really, really did. Yes.

Jensen continues: “I love being with you and the dogs. It's fun not having to do stuff on my own anymore, and having dinner together. To know that you'll be there for me when I need you. And well, the sex is not bad at all.”

And then it hits him. Jensen is right. That's exactly how it is. He feels the same way.

He leans in to kiss Jensen.

At that moment he notices the little red dot on Jensen's forehead.

Oh fuck no!

“Duck!” Jared yells as he grabs Jensen and rolls them both of off the chair and behind the large brick barbecue into safety.

 

Jared lands on top of Jensen. It's not a bad place to be, apart from the bullets whizzing around them, hitting windows and walls, sending little bits of glass and brick flying everywhere.

While Jared covers Jensen as best he can, he realizes he really doesn't want Jensen dead anymore. It's a strange feeling.

He looks down at all the pretty beneath him and thinks of how much fun they could have in days to come, months even maybe.

OK, he will give it a year. And then he'll re-evaluate this killing business.

He might actually have started loving his husband a little bit. Who would have thought?  
  
.


End file.
